No Socks on the Beach

There’s a million ways to fuck up a summer. You could break a leg, take summer classes, live in Texas, or wear socks on the beach. As a person who isn’t a retard I would choose any of the previous ways to ruin my summer except for wearing socks on the beach. What’s worse than socks on the beach? Shoes on the beach.

It’s alright though. I’m not going to call you a retard. I’m just going to assume that you weren’t brought up with any beachgoers. So let me school you to proper beach attire and let you know what NOT to do.

Please refrain from wearing Jeans on the beach, unless you’re just taking a walk along the water (barefoot), then leaving. If there is any point where you’re sitting on a towel… make sure you have a bathing suit on. They sell Louis bags for 30 bucks on Canal St., I’d imagine a bathing suit would be cheaper.

Invest in a pair of chancleta’s, coolata’s, sandals, or whatever you’d like to call them. They only look funny to you because you aren’t used to wearing them. They look normal to everyone else. How can you walk around the beach and put your socks back on after and get sand all over your shoes and stuck in your toes? You’re gross.

So here’s the list of do not’s.

1. No socks.
2. No Jordans.
3. No jean pants/shorts.
4. No Louis Sneakers.
5. No hotel towels.

Is this too much to ask for citizens?