No Socks on the Beach
There’s a million ways to fuck up a summer. You could break a leg, take summer classes, live in Texas, or wear socks on the beach. As a person who isn’t a retard I would choose any of the previous ways to ruin my summer except for wearing socks on the beach. What’s worse than socks on the beach? Shoes on the beach.
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Save an Artist, buy an Album.
I’m pretty sure the last album I actually purchased legally was Drake’s Thank Me Later. Shame on me. I downloaded his album weeks before, but decided that I would aid in proving a point that people could still purchase albums if they’re worth it. Drake’s album wasn’t worth it… but it was going to sell heavy already, so why not contribute. Music is in such a state of emergency these days half in part to piracy, half in part to the internets constant releases on blog sites, and a quarter in part to people believing that an Artist’s CD isn’t worth $14.99 because they suck; bad math.
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Don’t Watch Me Piss
I just don’t understand what goes through some people’s heads. Seriously. How can someone walk up to a urinal, and look left and down (Old school nintendo controller style) at another man while he’s pissing. What is this the latest fad? Skeeve the guy next to you out by looking at his weiner!? This is not my game.
Dear Summer
So it’s official. With a beautiful day and a week ahead summer is finally here. Short sleeve’s are out. Shorts are out. Legs are out. Chests are bared. The city is full of life again, life where people aren’t walking 34 miles per hour to get to their train and out of the cold. White boys are talking about jumping off of cliffs and hitting the beach. Black people are screaming about not wanting to get darker than Akon and partying into the late night. My Spanish folks don’t give a fuck… they party all the time regardless, Sundown or sunup.
No Thanks, I would not like Royal Wedding coverage.
Maybe it’s because we’re American that the majority of us don’t know where Libya is on a map. Or maybe it’s because we just don’t care about what happens outside of the U.S. unless it’s a natural disaster that claims thousands of innocent lives, and EVEN THEN I bet that you can’t tell me where it is on a map. I’ve spoke with my cousins in Africa as to why Americans are dumb when it comes to Geography… and honestly, it’s because most of you won’t ever travel outside of the U.S. unless it’s to see topless 18 year old girls on your Spring Break Mexico.
I’m NOT a dicksucker, nor should you be.
Well first and foremost, my throat isn’t deep enough. Kidding… obviously.
“Yes-men” (dicksuckers) come in all different shapes and sizes. Some are women and some are males… Some are black, some are white…. hell… There are asian dicksuckers too. They’re everywhere and honestly, the world would be a better place without them. How often do you seek an honest answer, the answer you don’t really want to receive but at the same time – need. That kick in the ass to create a balanced beam in your life?
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